Weather Report

The coming month will be marked by sexual frustration, intellectual frustration, and El Nino-style typhoons or creativity meeting over a low-pressure system in Tornado Alley--although our reports cannot be more certain, all residents are advised to take extreme cauting while outside in cloudy or sunny weather, inside while using water or dancing, sitting, reading, or breathing; as summer begins, expect extreme sudden changes in temperature and mood; according to this year's Framer's Almanac heavy substance abuse is likely to start at the beginning of May, a full month earlier than last year, and there is a 25% likelyhood of flash flooding in the lungs during the season change; although sunlight is expected to be slightly higher and temperatures likewise elevated compared to previous years, skin damage will be kept to a minimum due to an outbreak of killer bees carrying virulent debilitating agoraphobia Northward from Texas; heavy storms of self-loathing and self-destructive rage are likly high in the mountains of the Occipital lobe as well, but the Corpus Colosum is expected to receive little water due to the siphoning of the water table by the Hypothalamus and the diversion of the stream of consciousness by the Blog complex irrigation system in the lefthand Temporal lobe; expect shouts of triumph to ring from the mountaintops and fjords near mid-month, possibly accompanied by misty frustration due to administrative red-tape infestation; our seers and soothsayers also predict Naturism revivalists to be sequestered on Federal lands in the center of the contiguous forty-eight states (and swamped by West-Nile-carrying mosquitoes), where sunshine will bring in the finale to both the school year and, if all goes well, sanity--if only for six to eight hours.