2005/12/31

Cut it again

Yeeay-ah Tori. The university area's all cleared out for the holidays which I have to say is a real good thing. But what's not is being around here detoxing from the supermassive caffeine habit from the semester. Can't keep up with the jones' crazy antics if you're not boundinc off the walls youself. Headaches.

In ape news, I'd like to confirm to all of you what a terrible idea it was to kill my gigantic simian twenty-seventh cousin nineteen times removed, Kong. But which america can't cut dark-skinned folks a break, can it? Plus: don't scientologize people. That shit is insane but not in that good way like mad raps (p.s. sorry about the pitchfork review but pretentious people need other pretentious people to tell them who to listen to.).

As a wild animal I am here to tell you y'all are spoiled to the rotten with air conditioning and refrigerators and all that shit. I mean, you can't even handle one little power outage. Sad, really sad humans. Get your act together. Seriously, weather folks, just weather. Damn. It's like you never had to eat a bug or skin a corpse to have clothes, or something.

Your big video game was tonnes of fun too in 2005. It's called the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. The knowledge is who will live or die. Can you get knowledge from eating a fruit? Hell no, and believe me I eat a shit tonne more fruit than you most days. Fortunately all your cultural advances this year counterbalanced your increased evil with respect to Jebus' birthday.

Welcome to your addiction, humans. Your cocaine is officially stupidity, officially.

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