2006/01/24

Whaaaa? + Ooooooooh.

Did you know Beth Gibbons put out an album that's actually quite good (but not Portisheadesque)?

Also, I've been thinking a lot about the movement of my will lately. I mean, my desires are falling further and further under the direction of my will, and I'm not seeing impulsiveness fucking things up in my life as much as they have in the past. It's certainly the case that some of my self-improvement projects are still on tracik after a fair bit of time and if the engine isn't moving as fast as I'd like ast least the whole thing hasn't derailed.

Still, I can't help but feel as though there is a collision just ahead. As though all my good feelings are a sort of set-up by a cosmic force (not your usual benevolent deity) just to have a laugh at my expence. Not like real paranoia, like something is out to get me; just a general dread about an unspecifiable time in the future when things in my life or, maybe, my psyche will just totally collapse.

I once went to see a psychiatrist, a very good one, quite famous in fact, really well known in the particular area and anyway I went and we talked about things (this was many years ago) and he encouraged me to be myself but not in those words at all but the sort of words that you actually find convincing and can make you sort of not worry about the things you might do or say but kind of let loose and just you know be (oh, like groovy man, wow) but not hippy-style but more of a kind of well I guess unconscious animalesque way. Like stop overthinking. So okay.

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