2006/11/23

oh... (!)

so i walked in on you
tonight
with your arms around him
(y)our son
about six months old and passed
the fuck out
like a drunk
on Xmas.

and i stopped quick and caught
my breath
in
holy
shit
stop and
think
you drunk
i thought.

i turned into the hallway to look at my
sorry ass in
the mirror
showing my
ugly personality
to the
world
like Moses
in the
reed basket on
High Holy Day.

or, at least, I
saw everything Dad
never wanted me
to be because
he was the one
who was ust
like what
whe never wanted
me to be
which is to
say: i saw a drunk
with a flacid cheese sandwich
and a Natty Light
and a belly button swollen to Tangerine
size, winking
bulbously from beneath your
wattling wings.

and I smoothed back
my hair, though really
there isn't much there to slide
back over my
scalp.
then i hiccuped.
and i stalked in then
ninja like
i tip
toed toward
your mattress
and his
and stole
beneath sheets
i paid
49.95 for
when i was thinking about him instead
ouf you
the one who betrayed
your simplistic les
on the night of our "wedding"
when you said you
would love me
for as
long as you
knew i would be safe
for your child to
grow up around even
though i was the one
who encouraged you to
"acquire him" in the
first
place.

oh i looked at you in that
bed tonight
when i walked
in
and boy did i think i could have
made this life
go another way but
that wasn't
in
the cards
so i
let it go and in one moment
of clarity i gave
up.

so thank
him
for
that, would
you.

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